Lately, my mind has been elsewhere. My dad is very ill. My mom is trying to care for him at home. She is experiencing her own severe stress and depression in trying to be his caregiver. He is still somewhat mobile and can do minor things, but he seems to be deteriorating the past two weeks. He's 81 and has had numerous medical problems since 2001. I feel fortunate to live close to them so I can help when needed, but I often feel inadequate. Just last night Hubby got home from working over-time, and I blubbered for about thirty minutes to him. He is such a sweetheart. A guide during my periods of self involvement. Right now, I need to remember this time is not about me it's about my dad. This is not an easy journey right now, but I keep trying to find the right path.
So, because of this particular part of my life, other areas are pushed aside. I know, as Hubby tells me, I need to remember myself in all of this or I won't be any good to my parents. I hope I can be strong, and I'm always asking for courage. I wanted to keep this blog up. I wanted to share stories about my horses, my dogs, and the things that make me happy. But for now, I may be a little more on the sad side. I know I should keep my mind busy on other things, and I'll try. I am an empathetic type who tends to absorb the feelings and emotions of those around me. This trait makes decisions difficult unless I block the emotions and get back to my logical way of thinking.
So, if you're reading, and you find I've dipped into the well of sadness, this is why.
I am an only child, my dad has always been my rock throughout my life. I want to do what's best for him. Right now, I'm not sure what that is.........I'm praying for guidance each day.