Puppy Ponderings

For the past three or four months I've been pondering the possibility of adopting a German Shepherd pup. Both my husband and I miss our beloved German Shepherd, Xena, who passed in 2008 at the age of twelve. She was one of those dogs who was simply a gem. She left paw prints that can never be replaced. But, it feels like the time to search for another gem. We've always admired German Shepherds who are well trained and have a love of their family pack. That's how Xena was, that's what we want to try to do with another one.

 Last photo of Xena, summer 2008


We've both been discussing my puppy project. We have two dogs who were both rescued from abandonment. We love them, but have also been mulling the idea of putting our energies into raising a pup.We haven't had a pup around since 1996 when Xena was abruptly dropped on our doorstep by a grandmother (Hubby's mom) who thought two boys (our sons ages thirteen and eleven at the time) needed a pup, who so happened to need a home. Xena's story, as told by my mother-in-law, was that the people who had Xena's parents had been trying to breed for white German Shepherds but the pups came out black and they didn't want them. Sad. Mother-in-law knew two boys who'd love to have a puppy. Unfortunately, she didn't OK it with us first, especially me. I was not happy. I don't like surprises like that because I take pet ownership very seriously and want to have supplies and living space prepared, which we didn't, not for a puppy. But, that aside, over the years, Xena turned out to be a fine example of what a German Shepherd should be, loving, loyal, playful, courageous, intelligent, all the traits I hadn't seen in some of the GS dogs I'd grown to resent in my adult years. I didn't have a good view of GS because the one my father-in-law had, bit me, and everyone else in the family, plus a few who ventured on to their property, but that's another story. I've since learned a great deal about dog behavior and realized that particular GS had issues my father-in-law refused to deal with until the day the dog died.

 So, I've been puppy pondering. In my pondering I've looked up a variety of information about puppy training and bringing a new pup into the household. It's been a long time since we've had the patter of little paws, with the exception of our live in/out cat, Buddy. I've been considering all the time and extra effort a pup will take and it will be me who'll be the main caretaker/trainer this time around. When Xena came into our family, I was working shift work and honestly don't remember much of her puppyhood. My sons and husband were the ones who bonded with her early on but this time, it will be me. Over the years we've had more than our fair share of rescued dogs and cats so I don't feel a need to go to a shelter this time around, but will keep the option open. Basically, my husband and I have decided we need a big dog on our property again, and we'd prefer a German Shepherd.

Saturday I made a giant leap and emailed a GS breeder in my state. I'd been looking over their website for a while, looking at the parents and puppies from past litters.I've been following them on Facebook as well. I felt they were breeding and raising the kind of GS dogs we were looking for, the old fashioned, large, straight back kind. However, I have yet to hear back from the contact person. It's been six days. This is one of my pet peeves in this tech messaging world and I don't understand why people can't just let someone know one way or another.I had taken the time to write a nice email, explaining about Xena, adding a picture of Xena, and what we were looking for with a few lines about our time with Xena. In my opinion, it's rude not to at least send back an email acknowledging my interest, whether they have any of the current litter pups available or not. I went to the their Facebook page and discovered that, evidently, they will only know after this weekend whether they have any pups left from the litter I was inquiring about in my email. I thought-How nice  (sarcasm),they can confirm a Facebook post by someone on their page but not acknowledge my personal inquiry. Yes, it ticks me off! There were twelve pups in the litter, six males and six females. I was opting for a female. The pictures have been posted on Facebook weekly. The pups are now three weeks old. While they are all adorable, my thoughts on dealing with this particular breeder are waning at this point.

I've decided if one of these pups is meant to be ours, it will be. If not, well, there are always other litters, other breeders, and there's always our local shelter with, undoubtedly, some abandoned big pups of questionable breeding who need a home. I'm not that upset if one of the adorable pups I viewed isn't exactly meant for us, what will be will be. I'm not going to fret over it. I do have a less than respectful attitude toward the breeder at this point, so maybe this just wasn't our time with this particular bunch of pups.

In the mean time, my puppy ponderings continue, but with just a little less enthusiasm than a week ago.

Hummingbirds

I am astounded how one dog can leave an emptiness in the entire clan around here. Yes, we loved Xena dearly. She will always be "The Best Dog Ever". I didn't fathom the grief of Maggie, the cattle dog, and Buddy, the cat.

I have never experienced grief of animals for the loss of another. But then, Xena is the only dog we've ever had with us for over a decade. It's become obvious that Xena was indeed the matriarch of the other dogs and cat around here. They depended on her and they do miss her. I have no idea how long their grief will last or when they'll stop looking for her. I'll probably always "see" her in her favorite places too.

Today, as I watched the hummingbirds at their feeder I began thinking of the amazing lives they live. Partially, to keep my mind off the empty rug in the corner of the porch, partially because I realized the hummingbirds will soon leave for their Mexican destination. Of course, they don't think about it that way, but I am amazed by hummingbirds.

Here in Southern Ohio we have the Ruby-throated variety. I've been putting out feeders for humminbirds for many years now. I've read up on them and find it fascinating they return to the same feeder year after year, or at least their offspring do, if they don't make it back. I think I have around 8 flitting around at various times this year. Supposedly, if you count the number of hummingbirds at your feeder, at any one time, you can double that number to get the total head count.

Some evenings I'll sit out on the deck and watch as they zoom in and out. They're always alert, always eyeing me. At first they fly away without stopping to drink but the longer I quietly sit there, the more relaxed they become.

The males, with their bright ruby red throats, always have an air of superiority about them. I can spot a young male, even before he's grown into his ruby-red throat. They are cocky and pushy. The females, are more cautious about landing on the feeder at first. They appear more gentle as they're drinking. I often imagine where their tiny nests might be hidden. One year, #1 son did find a hummingbird nest clinging to a tree branch that had fallen to the ground. Just as tiny and delicate as the birds themselves.

I look forward every April for the arrival of the first hummingbird. I have studied migration maps and our hummingbirds are due to arrive around the end of April and they leave usually by mid-September. There's a hurricane brewing in the Gulf this year so I'm keeping watch. Will "my" hummers start migrating soon or wait? Some of them may have already left because I've noticed reduced activity at my feeder.

When I consider how far these little birds travel each April and September I am always amazed. The fact that they, and their "kids" have returned to my feeders is simply awesome. Look around, be sensitive, God is everywhere, that's what I try to remember in these days of often hectic chaos. Hummingbirds remind me of how fragile, yet strong and beauitul, life can be.

The Last Jeep Ride

Monday was a sad day for our family. Hubby and I decided it was time to let our beautiful, twelve year old German Shepherd, Xena, go. She had not improved over the weekend. Her back legs had finally given out. She could not stand or walk. If anyone has had to make this decision for a beloved animal member of the family, I'm sure you can understand emotions are still raw.

My husband and I reluctantly loaded Xena up into the Jeep on Monday morning. The vet's office had told me to have her there by 9:15am, it would be a 30 minute trip. Over the phone I felt a dash of hope after explaining to the woman taking the call, what had happened to Xena over the weekend, but this young lady didn't really know the situation. Still, that little glimmer of hope will sustain at times of uncertainty.

I won't go into details, not necessary. I've gone over and over the entire event too many times, and of course, still cry when I think about everything. All I want to remember is that even up until the end, as Hubby and I were holding her, Xena left this world quietly, without protest or stress. She seemed comforted by the fact that her "mom and dad" were there with her.

Hubby was affected quite profoundly by this loss though we had been expecting this decision in the end. I believe he kept hoping for a better outcome. The vet told us of possible options to keep pain down, but at her advanced age, Xena's quality of life would probably not be the same. Organ issues would probably surface within a short time. For Xena, that would have been torture so we decided to release her. We said our goodbyes. We held her and stroked her as the injection took hold. We took her home to bury her, by the creek, under a tree. Hubby said he wanted her home where she belonged among the trees, hills and woods she loved.

Xena always loved to ride in the old Jeep. We had a 1980 Jeep for many years and until she could no longer jump up into it, Xena enjoyed even short rides around the property. We had bought a new Jeep last year. Hubby told me yesterday, as we were burying our friend, she had taken her last Jeep ride. Remembering the moment we placed her in the back of the Jeep, I do recall a glint of something. A brightning of her eyes. She didn't struggle. She was relaxed. Even as we drove down the country roads, Hubby sitting beside her, me driving, she seemed content, raising her head often to look out the window.

We will always remember our "wolf dog" as we came to call her. She had always been a beautiful silver/black and we were often asked if she was part wolf. She had grown larger that most German Shepherds and because of her size, was often referred to as a he. She was a furry little black ball when she was given to us 12 years ago. Our sons grew up with her. I told Hubby, it's almost a symbolic event that she had to go at this point in time when both our sons are venturing away from home into the world of grown-up life. Xena had always been wonderful to kids, especially our sons, though she could be rough with wandering neighbor dogs. She was never agreesive toward people who were accepted on our property. There are so many little stories about our dear friend I'm sure we will talk about in the coming days. Right now, the emotions are still raw and it's hard to bring up her name without shedding tears.

After we had buried Xena, I remembered the horses needed to be turned out into the front field. The guys had pretty much been ignored over the weekend with all of us attending to Xena in one way or another. Oh, they got groomed, and they got led out to their evening graze areas, but basically got put on the back burner.

As I walked with my guys to the front field gate they each walked on either side of me. Bo was very quiet, a little unlike him when he knows he's going to the other field. He will jostle Spirit, or give him "the look" to make Spirit get behind before being released through the gate. I took notice of their quietness. I had been crying a little. As I stood in front of the gate, getting ready to unlatch it, I felt the gentlest of nuzzles, from Bo, on my hair and back of my neck. He seemed to be giving me his own reassuring kiss. I stood there for a few moments hugging him, then hugging Spirit. Neither one moving just allowing me to use them for comfort. I unlatched the gate, both walked out slowly and quietly.

The little dogs, Maggie and Lucy have been staying by the house. They have not been running up into the woods since Xena collapsed on Saturday. Maggie has practically been at Xena's side the entire time. Maggie is an Australian Cattle Dog-mix full of endless energy, but she chose to remain close to her "sis" during the day. Even Buddy, our cat, who has always curled up with Xena on cold nights, lay close by the garage during the two days, sometimes walking in to rub up agains Xena. Animals know things, they are intelligent, and regardless of what is said by some experts in denial of animal emotions, in my experience, they are just as affected by events as we are, just in a way that is different, a different language.

I'm feeling kind of random right now, words not quiet evolving as I'd like. But I wanted to remember Xena this morning for the wonderful friend she'd been to our family. We will always miss her. She definitely captured a piece of my heart in the 12 years she shared our home.

Though we will no longer see her pawprints around our home, the pawprints she left on our hearts will remain forever.

The kids will misbehave when Mom is gone....

Yesterday evening I helped #1 son move some more of his stuff to his new house, which happens to be 62 miles away. He and his fiance have rented a house and have been in the processs of getting moved in before Saturday, the "Big Day". She has all her stuff moved. She's been on her own pretty much for the last 4 years since she went away to college. #1 son, has been living here at home. As he has repeatedly stated "I'm on sabbatical." Yesterday, she reminded him, his sabbatical is OVER!


Ok, so I have to leave for the evening which means on this little farm, Mom isn't around to take care of "the kids" and evening feed. We were on the road before Hubby got home from work. I told #2 son I had no special instructions for "the kids" tonight, just do what we usually do. This means, Hubby will likely decide to move Bo and Spirit into one of 4 small areas we have fixed up for evening grazing. I left without a care in the world. Happy to spend some time with #1 son and his soon-to-be wife.


My evening of moving stuff went fine. I took the kids out to eat. We're all on tight budgets with this wedding event coming up so we chose to eat at Arby's after we got stuff moved into the house. The stuff, by the way, would be 12 boxes of books and two bookshelves. My son and his fiance are avid readers, not to mention they've kept just about every college textbook they ever bought! We do love our books!


After we had lugged all the book boxes up the steep stairs to the living area, She told him: "We're going to need more bookshelves!" I find this amusing yet refreshing at the same time. I was thinking, how many 22 and 25 year olds are worrying about more bookshelves? Just not something most young people their age think about. So, after getting my load unpacked from my truck, we had driven 2 separate trucks, I told #1 son I was heading back home before dark. He told me he'd be home later and I headed back down the highway.


I got home around 9pm which is pretty much dark around here this time of year. Especially down in the valley where we live. I told Hubby about the move and a few things that occured over the day. Then I asked how the horses behaved. He informed me that they didn't behave very nicely.


First off, he told me, the horses were being butts (his term, I'm surprised he didn't just say asses) while he and #2 son were trying to groom them. Bo was moving around alot, which he doesn't usually do with me. Spirit kept walking away from Hubby. They didn't have the horses tied in the stall, which I often don't either if I'm brushing them. I'm thinking, right there, "the kids" already know they're gonna have some fun tonight.


Hubby said they walked out to the grass fine. They always do. They know they will soon be in green grass heaven for a little while.


Seems upon trying to bring them back to their stall area, about an hour later, Bo decided he doesn't have to listen to #2 son, walked a few steps, dropped his head and began eating the fresher grass outside of the enclosure.


Spirit decides (in my mind) that Mom isn't with me so I don't have to listen to HIM and is very belligerent about walking back to the stall area. Hubby was with Spirit and said he did everything he could think of to get Spirit to start walking and finally gave him a swat on the backside with his hand, which did work.


#2 son told the tale of Bo walking up toward the house, practically pinning him to the side of the house (a bit exaggerated I believe) then trying to trot away when he pushed him off. Bo usually isn't that ambitious.


Ok, guys, now this was a simple task and I don't have this problem with these horses! Then I remembered, #2 son really hasn't been around all that much for the past four years because he's been away at college. He's really never messed around the horses much. I finally asked him last night if I ever gave him any lessons on how to work with the horses. He told me no, and he really didn't know what he was doing around them or the right way to handle them.


Well, he is excused from his blunders, but Hubby I was a little disappointed in. I know he's not completely comfortable with Spirit (or the horses in general). I'm the only one who is, and I'm pretty sure Spirit has figured this one out.


Just the night before #1 son was moving Spirit from the evening graze area, while I was walking Bo. I had Bo back in the stall, and noticed #1 son and Spirit were not behind us. I heard voices. Tied Bo up in the stall and went to see what the hold-up was. The voice I heard was #2 son grumbling at Spirit, lifting on the lead rope trying to get Spirit's head up from the grass. I had to laugh a little.I had expected more from #1 son because he's been around here and knows what he's suppose to do with the horses. Spirit was locked on the grass and would not move. By the time I started walking toward them, Spirit was in a locked leg stance, head up, a bit of a defiant look on his face. I shook my finger at him "Now look who you've got coming, Mister." Without hesitation, when I took the lead rope from #1 son, Spirit walked fine for me and didn't even try for the grass anymore.


I later asked #1 son what he was thinking as he went to get Spirit. He told me he was thinking "this guy is going to give me trouble." I said, "There you go. Always think about how You want it to go. They WILL know what you're thinking."


So, anyway, the kids were a little wiley and misbehaving while Mom was gone last night, but everything worked out in the end. I now know I need to give #2 son some instruction on how to properly handle a horse on a lead and some other details about horses I obviously haven't shared with him. I really hadn't realized #2 son was that uncomfortable around the horses, although I had sensed it at times. He hasn't been all that willing to jump in and care for the horses. Now I know, it's simply because he has not felt he knows the right ways handle them. We can remedy that!


Good news about Xena, to a point. She seems to be stronger these past couple of days. I changed her food to can food. Hubby thinks she has been having trouble eating the dry food and maybe she has just been weak. She actually seems a little stronger and even walked up on the porch last night to lay on her rugs and bedding. She still wobbles around with those darn weakened back legs, but at times, she has run after the two little dogs when they are play running around the yard. So, we watch and we try to care for her, to keep her comfortable. As long as she can move around on her own, eats her food, and other necessities, I feel we will leave well enough alone for the time being.

Losing a friend

Our animals are not just "our animals", they become members of the family. Members of the pack. Members of the herd. When one gets sick, it hits us just as hard as if they were a people part of the family.

Xena is our beautiful German Shepherd. She has been the best dog we have ever had in our family. Not to take away from the other dogs we have shared our lives with, but she has been special. We've had her with us for twelve years. She came to us as a fuzzy bear of a pup, given away because she wasn't the right color. The people who had bred her parents were trying for white German Shepherds. She, and the other pups, came out black.

Today, she seems to be slipping away. I debated whether to call the vet yesterday morning. But, it's fair week here and it was a Friday so I decided to wait it out. Hubby loves this dog and has been in denial Xena is slipping away. I do understand his pain, but I also want to make the right choice for Xena in her last days.

Taking her to the vet will be traumatizing for her and I think she is in pain as it is with the arthritis and hip dysplasia. I have dutifully been giving her aspirin, twice a day, as prescribed by our vet earlier in the year. I believe a ride to the vet, 30 minutes away would be torturous for her and I don't want to see her last hours in that way.

When she's lying on the hill, her favorite spot in the early mornings, watching Maggie and Lucy run up in the woods, she'll bark a few short barks. At times her eyes are alert, at other times, she seems confused. The confusion is worse when she is up trying to move around. Hubby has fixed her a bed close to the house. Seems Xena no longer feels confident to try to walk up the two small steps to the porch where her bed is located. She can hear us inside when she lays there. She watches us go in and out from the back door.

Yesterday, I noticed both Maggie and Buddy (the cat) were lying beside Xena up on the hill. Maggie rarely does that. Buddy will lay by Xena when the days are cold. Animals know things. I believe they are giving Xena support in their own way.

Last night, Hubby finally said he knew Xena was slipping away. I asked him about taking her to the vet on Monday. He said he wanted to wait and see how she does through the weekend. I think he's still hoping, but he knows it's not just something that will get better by Monday morning.

Xena is twelve years old. We've given her a good life. She's given us her life, her companionship, her loyalty. I just want to allow her peace as she passes but if it appears she is distressed more than is comfortable for her by the Monday, we have decided we will probably take her to the vet and allow the decision to be ours. It's a tough decsion but I try to see it as our final gift to her, a gift from pain and the fear of not knowing what is happening to her. She is confused when her legs don't work the way she's used to them working. I can see it in her eyes. She doesn't understand why her body isn't doing what she wants it to do.

I am still hoping we don't have to take her to the vet because her last hour will be terror for her and that's not how I want it. I hope she will have a peaceful passing, lying on the hill with the sounds of the birds all around.

Animal and human bonds can be just as strong as those between people. Often the decisions we make for our animals are just as hard as for the people we love. We hope we are doing the right thing but never really know for sure.