It's the little things I appreciate the most...

It's been one week since the thyroid surgery. Last night I was questioning whether it had been a good decision. But, what's done is done. Can't put that thyroid back in!

My neck is stiff. I describe it as how a large wound feels when it's healing. My mind is fuzzy. I find myself confused easily. Ok, I was like that before, but not this bad! My patience is very thin. I won't know how the new synthetic thyroid replacement hormone is working for quite some time.

I think the incision was slightly larger than my surgeon had originally told me it would be. Well, considering he told Hubby, at the post surgery consultation, I had the largest thyroid gland he'd ever removed and he didn't know how I'd been breathing, I guess I should be thankful the thing is gone. Not if my mind is going to remain confused! But, I sure hope my endocrinologist can get this straightened out eventually.

As I thought about how my body started betraying me around age 35, I suddenly decided maybe having that thyroid wasn't so bad.....I mean, my uterus was removed when I was 35. My pancreas died around age 37 (LADA, Type 1 diabetes) and now, my thyroid is gone. I can't help but ponder at what my body is going to do next. I really didn't have second thoughts about the hysterectomy back when I was 35, it had been causing me all kinds of problems while also delivering two beautiful boys, but it's time of torturing me was done. I was ready to part with it and get on with a new life! I'm a cynic and a skeptic when it comes to the medical profession. I trusted my endo when she said the best route was to remove the entire thyroid. Now, I'm questioning my sanity at going along with the treatment.

Ok, enough about that. I'm hoping to lift this fog off my brain. I quit taking the stronger pain meds because I hated how they made me feel. How do people get addicted to that stuff??? I sure don't get it. I hated the way it made me feel and I only took one tablet every 4 hours, not two as directed. I've been taking acetaminophen for the past 24 hours which takes the edge off the pain and stiffness and doesn't make me feel like I'm in the outer limits of space floating away!


Being out of commission for a few days and relying on others to tend to my horses was actually more worrisome than my surgery. I knew Hubby and #2 son would take care of my guys. My concern reminded me of when my sons were little and Hubby and I would leave them with grandparents for a day. I knew they'd be taken care of but it's the "I'm not there in case...." thoughts which I needed to let go of, and eventually did.

My horses survived my short absence, by the way. I appreciated the care Hubby and #2 son gave them while I wasn't able to tend to them. Of course, by day two of being home (I only had an overnight stay in the hospital) after the surgery, I was out there feeding the guys. Probably shouldn't have been, that close to having had surgery, but I made sure I didn't do anything strenuous. Plus, as anyone with horses or animals knows, you just need to see them when you're down! They help you feel better even with all the work involved.

Our weekend was hectic. Saturday, the washer quit working. Sunday, a leak sprung behind the washer. Naturally, as Murphy's Law would have it, I hadn't washed clothes for a week, since the Sunday before my surgery. I hadn't asked Hubby to do it because laundry isn't that big of a deal to me since it's just the two of us. #2 son, still living at home, washes his own clothes. Both sons washed their own clothes since they were in high school because of one long ago incident involving my hard work of washing, drying, folding and placing clean clothes on their beds only to find the clothes pushed to a pile on the floor. From that time on, I told them they were to take care of their own clothing!

One thing for sure, my boys always knew I meant business because I backed up what I said. A while back, before getting married, #1 son was hanging out with some friends. They were teasing him about living at home and having Mom wash his clothes. He informed them that he had been washing his own clothes since he was in high school. Actually, as he was telling me the story, I could see pride in himself at not depending on Mom to wash his clothes and being able to brag about it! Those little things we never think mean much, turn out meaning the most.

Hubby spent his entire weekend working on that washer/leak problem. Bless his heart! He tends to these kinds of emergencies with patience and perseverance, much more than I have. I would have kicked the washer and headed to Lowe's for a new one! But not him! No SIREE!!!! I don't know how he does it but there is very little that man can't fix! And usually fix it better than it was to begin with! He amazes me with his talent for fixing and repairing. Though he's not an engineer by trade, he's actually a chemist, he has an engineering mind that serves us all well.

We had a nice Christmas with our sons and new daughter-in-law. Christmas Eve we opened gifts. I love the horseshoe charm necklace the kids (all three) got me! I had been looking at one just like it in one of the catalogs! They picked the one I liked without even knowing it was the one I had been looking at myself. But the gifts aren't what made the evening memorable. Honestly, I was in a bit of a haze, with that pain med and all, but I remember I had a feeling of oneness and acceptance among all of us. Love that we usually shared among the four of us, now added with a "daughter" who is as lovely as can be. I hope we can forge a bond that I don't have with my own mother-in-law. Not too close, but just close enough that my new daughter-in-law doesn't cringe at the thought of coming to visit, or when we visit them.

The New Year is upon us, though it's just another day, it brings thoughts of newness and beginnings. When looking back, and also looking forward, I know it's always the little things I appreciate the most and often make the biggest impact.

Just stuff on an almost winter day.....

My mind has been taken over by other concerns the past ten days. Horses, unfortunately, are not what that's all about. But, concern for how they'll be cared for next week are.

I know #2 son and Hubby should be able to take care of things, but I like caring for my horses myself. I have a special way of doing it. Don't we all? I suppose for the days following my surgery, I'm going to have to give in and let Bo and Spirit be cared for as the care-takers see fit. I don't expect to be down and out too long.

Even if I write out a long list of duties, which I will, everyone does things in their own way. I have to let go, and just let it be. I'm sure, the horses will survive. It's probably just me that will have the worry. As long as they get their feed and hay, they won't know any difference, except maybe not seeing me for a few days.

I'm having a total thyroidectomy on December 22. Yeah, I know, it's Christmas week, but this all came down later in the year than I originally thought. Over all, the surgery is suppose to be fairly routine. I'll stay overnight at the hospital, be home on the 23rd. Guess that's what I get for putting it off so long. I avoided it all through the summer because of #1 son's wedding. Glad I did because it was off my mind all that time and I was able to enjoy the time leading up to the wedding, the wedding itself and everything involved. I could have gone into next year, but there's the insurance deductible and my doctor suggested I get it done now so I wouldn't have that money going out first thing next year. Well, isn't it just peachy we have to be concerned about our stupid insurance deductibles?

So, I'm having this total thyroidectomy because there are nodules on both lobes of my thyroid gland. I had an ultrasound in September (I'd put off since the doctor suggested it back in June) which led to a FNA, fine needle aspiration, in October. The results of the FNA came back as "abnormal cells, but inconclusive" on the left side. The nodule on the right side showed nothing. The nodule on the left is rather large. Over the years, I'd always been told I had a goiter. My endocrinologist told me the best way to take care of any possibities of cancer, is to remove the total thyroid, since I have nodules on both sides. I met with a surgeon Friday. I told him I wanted it done ASAP because I want it off my mind. So it is written, so it shall be done!

Our weather is turning bad here in Southern Ohio. We usually don't see this kind of ice, snow, sleet and stuff until mid January. Makes me wonder what the winter will really bring us! About 5 years ago we had a horrible ice storm. Our power, telephone and water were out for a week. I didn't have the horses back then. The only thing that concerns me is the water. We do have a well in the back field, but the pump isn't working. I asked Hubby about this, and he said he'd been thinking about how to fix that pump but it just hadn't been on his priority list. May have to add that one.

I'm sure I'll be fine after the surgery. It's just the thoughts up to the day that can drive you crazy if you let it. I'm going to keep busy this week and get things ready for what I normally would have done Christmas week. That should do the trick!