Monday, December 29, 2008

It's the little things I appreciate the most...

It's been one week since the thyroid surgery. Last night I was questioning whether it had been a good decision. But, what's done is done. Can't put that thyroid back in!

My neck is stiff. I describe it as how a large wound feels when it's healing. My mind is fuzzy. I find myself confused easily. Ok, I was like that before, but not this bad! My patience is very thin. I won't know how the new synthetic thyroid replacement hormone is working for quite some time.

I think the incision was slightly larger than my surgeon had originally told me it would be. Well, considering he told Hubby, at the post surgery consultation, I had the largest thyroid gland he'd ever removed and he didn't know how I'd been breathing, I guess I should be thankful the thing is gone. Not if my mind is going to remain confused! But, I sure hope my endocrinologist can get this straightened out eventually.

As I thought about how my body started betraying me around age 35, I suddenly decided maybe having that thyroid wasn't so bad.....I mean, my uterus was removed when I was 35. My pancreas died around age 37 (LADA, Type 1 diabetes) and now, my thyroid is gone. I can't help but ponder at what my body is going to do next. I really didn't have second thoughts about the hysterectomy back when I was 35, it had been causing me all kinds of problems while also delivering two beautiful boys, but it's time of torturing me was done. I was ready to part with it and get on with a new life! I'm a cynic and a skeptic when it comes to the medical profession. I trusted my endo when she said the best route was to remove the entire thyroid. Now, I'm questioning my sanity at going along with the treatment.

Ok, enough about that. I'm hoping to lift this fog off my brain. I quit taking the stronger pain meds because I hated how they made me feel. How do people get addicted to that stuff??? I sure don't get it. I hated the way it made me feel and I only took one tablet every 4 hours, not two as directed. I've been taking acetaminophen for the past 24 hours which takes the edge off the pain and stiffness and doesn't make me feel like I'm in the outer limits of space floating away!

Being out of commission for a few days and relying on others to tend to my horses was actually more worrisome than my surgery. I knew Hubby and #2 son would take care of my guys. My concern reminded me of when my sons were little and Hubby and I would leave them with grandparents for a day. I knew they'd be taken care of but it's the "I'm not there in case...." thoughts which I needed to let go of, and eventually did.

My horses survived my short absence, by the way. I appreciated the care Hubby and #2 son gave them while I wasn't able to tend to them. Of course, by day two of being home (I only had an overnight stay in the hospital) after the surgery, I was out there feeding the guys. Probably shouldn't have been, that close to having had surgery, but I made sure I didn't do anything strenuous. Plus, as anyone with horses or animals knows, you just need to see them when you're down! They help you feel better even with all the work involved.

Our weekend was hectic. Saturday, the washer quit working. Sunday, a leak sprung behind the washer. Naturally, as Murphy's Law would have it, I hadn't washed clothes for a week, since the Sunday before my surgery. I hadn't asked Hubby to do it because laundry isn't that big of a deal to me since it's just the two of us. #2 son, still living at home, washes his own clothes. Both sons washed their own clothes since they were in high school because of one long ago incident involving my hard work of washing, drying, folding and placing clean clothes on their beds only to find the clothes pushed to a pile on the floor. From that time on, I told them they were to take care of their own clothing!

One thing for sure, my boys always knew I meant business because I backed up what I said. A while back, before getting married, #1 son was hanging out with some friends. They were teasing him about living at home and having Mom wash his clothes. He informed them that he had been washing his own clothes since he was in high school. Actually, as he was telling me the story, I could see pride in himself at not depending on Mom to wash his clothes and being able to brag about it! Those little things we never think mean much, turn out meaning the most.

Hubby spent his entire weekend working on that washer/leak problem. Bless his heart! He tends to these kinds of emergencies with patience and perseverance, much more than I have. I would have kicked the washer and headed to Lowe's for a new one! But not him! No SIREE!!!! I don't know how he does it but there is very little that man can't fix! And usually fix it better than it was to begin with! He amazes me with his talent for fixing and repairing. Though he's not an engineer by trade, he's actually a chemist, he has an engineering mind that serves us all well.

We had a nice Christmas with our sons and new daughter-in-law. Christmas Eve we opened gifts. I love the horseshoe charm necklace the kids (all three) got me! I had been looking at one just like it in one of the catalogs! They picked the one I liked without even knowing it was the one I had been looking at myself. But the gifts aren't what made the evening memorable. Honestly, I was in a bit of a haze, with that pain med and all, but I remember I had a feeling of oneness and acceptance among all of us. Love that we usually shared among the four of us, now added with a "daughter" who is as lovely as can be. I hope we can forge a bond that I don't have with my own mother-in-law. Not too close, but just close enough that my new daughter-in-law doesn't cringe at the thought of coming to visit, or when we visit them.

The New Year is upon us, though it's just another day, it brings thoughts of newness and beginnings. When looking back, and also looking forward, I know it's always the little things I appreciate the most and often make the biggest impact.


Linda Reznicek said...

I'm so sorry you're having to go through this, and I sure hope it turns out to be the best thing in the long run so you don't have regrets.

Maybe it was a good thing it happened at Christmas because you had your family there with you and good memories.

I understand the body giving out thing--I was 34 when I discovered melanoma. It's a real disappointment to think your body is going one way while you're happily going another. I didn't think I'd live to see 40 or 41--but I'm coming on 42 and doing great so far--but I DO NOT trust my body--just enjoying the time I have while I have it!

You'll be in my thoughts as you recover!

LJS82 said...

Thank you Linda, for your kind words and thoughts.

I agree, we should always try to do the best we can with what we've got, while we've got it. Time tends to slip away from us sometimes, without those reminders.